The day Max and I went home from the hospital, I was scared. Max was delivered via C-section, and I hurt. During our four days in the hospital, our room was full of visitors, and on the last day it was quiet. Reality hit that we were going home. I remember sitting on the bed waiting for my sister Kelsey to come and pick us up. I knew the “village” was going to be there to help, but I was SCARED.

How was it going to be? I mean thank goodness I had 2 months off for maternity leave, but my mind was already wheeling, scenario-making. . . AHHHH! How was I going to work and take care of this little baby with the cutest, chubbiest legs? The hormone “let-down” was happening—I sat on the hospital bed and cried.

He was perfect, born in October, my FAVORITE month with an energy of ghoulish delight, candy apples and mini Snickers bars. I promised him quietly that we would always have Halloween birthday parties with worms in the dirt, and dry ice fruit punch. How was I going to afford these parties?

I needed to take a shower. The nurse told me that she could take him to the nursery while I showered, but I insisted that he stay with me in his “bed-on-wheels”. I had to get used to showering and having Max nearby. Of course the minute I got in the shower, he started crying. The anxiety overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t move quickly because of my incision. I cried. (HORMONES!)

Kelsey got to the hospital room, and the nurse brought in a wheel chair. I took Max into my lap, and then I was wheeled out of the safe haven of cafeteria-cooking, happy Codeine and the strict comforts of the Russian nurse who could swaddle Max with one hand. I wanted to grab the door knob, and shout, “No! I want to stay here forever!”

As we exited the elevator, I experienced tunnel-vision, shaky-hand anxiety and I held Max closely to stop the fear. Gasp. . . Gasp . . . as the automatic door opened to the world.

It was a sunny, crisp fall October day. I could feel the chill of winter approaching, and it was invigorating. Kelsey and I jumped into action. She had the car seat, but needed help installing it. (I practiced prior to this day. Car seat installation would confuse Freud. HA!)

Max and I were tucked into the back seat as Kelsey pulled away from the curb. Last chance, I thought. I could grab Max and run back in, but something beautiful happened. An intentionally timed moment that was meant to teach me a lesson. . . happened. You know what I am talking about.

Coldplay’s new song “Vida La Vida” (you always have to have a “soundtrack” for these moments) blared from Aunt Kelsey’s radio speakers, and I looked down at Max. For the very first time in his life, the sun’s rays warmed his ruddy face and that was when he ruled the world. The way the light embraced his eyes and blond lashes made me feel an overwhelming peace.

*NOTE*
I haven’t shared any of these experiences in the form that I just did. I was scared to express my fear to anyone. I feel empowered now. Thank you for reading!

BIO: Amy Morgan has worked in live news, production, public relations and marketing.  A "jill of all trades" she has a great passion for photography, creative writing, reading and traveling.  Always on the go, her most important job is being Max's mom!