I lead two lives.  For years I believed that my life as a terrorism analyst in the US Intelligence Community and my life as a mom were separate. But after 20 years of government service and 15 years of parenting, I have realized they are not. 

I have been in this “war on terror” for a long time. In 1993, I published a paper warning about Usama Bin Ladin and the extremist movement he represents.  Ever since most of what I have done at work has been a secret I have been unable to share with my husband and five kids.  But without their support, I would not be able to do all I’ve done.  In fact, over the years I have come to realize that everything I ever needed to know about national security, I learned from them.  And all we need to do as a nation to ensure our security is to follow the advice we give our children.  If only we had the courage to do it. 

So often parenting is all about tough love.  We have to teach our children the hard lessons of life so they are prepared to cope in the real world.  This is how we pass on security—by helping them be independent and responsible.  I can’t help my daughter finish the science project she failed to start if I want her to learn accountability and responsibility nor can I teach my son to be proud of who he is if I let him cave to peer pressure. Teaching our children that life is not fair is hard. And it is also a difficult concept for us to face as Americans. No matter how much we spend on counter-terrorism, there will be terrorist attacks. Terrorism has been around for thousands of years as the weapon of the weak against the strong. One of the surest ways of reducing the terrorist threat to the United States is for us to become the world’s weakest state. Is that what we want?  If terrorists hate our freedom, and we want to stop terrorism, then why not just stop being free?  We must accept that terrorist attacks on this country are going to happen.  Thousands of men and women will do all they can, but they are not going to be able to prevent all attacks.  If we continue to define our national security as the absence of a terrorist attack in this country, then will the next attack on US soil mean our national security is gone?

Like this hard lesson, there is nothing quite as difficult as when we have to teach our children that life is not a fairy tale.  It’s heartbreaking as a parent when a daughter discovers she is not really a princess or a son gives up on the dream of playing in the major leagues.  But as parents, it is part of our job to prepare them for the fact that life is not a fairy tale, no matter how much we wish it could be.

But knowing this doesn’t end our children’s dreams and aspirations.  Prince Charming may not await my daughter at the ball, but wouldn’t Cinderella have been happy just achieving economic independence from her evil stepmother and sisters?  What I hope for my daughters is that they realize they are strong and can self-reliant. Any woman who has been through an abusive relationship knows that to stand on one’s own feet is to know that no one can take that accomplishment away from you.  And that is true security. 

We will survive if attacked again. Our national security is more enduring than the absence of an attack.  If we are on pins and needles, wondering every day if our government is going to be able to stop every plot, is that security?  Isn’t that the very definition of insecurity—constant fear and anxiety over what might happen?   

The strength and security of my family is not dependent upon our home security system.  It is entirely dependent upon the unconditional love we offer each other every day.  Our nation’s security is more than the temporary satisfaction of eliminating Usama Bin Ladin.  Our security rests with the endurance of our values and principles of democracy.  Our strength is not the projection of power or the absence of challenge.  It is our national character that we demonstrate when challenged that makes America strong and secure. 

Parenting involves rules, discipline, and tirelessly setting a model example as well as compassion, flexibility, and unconditional love. If we were to apply the same rules and goals we have as parents to our national security policies, maybe people like Usama Bin Ladin would become as insignificant to our nation as the school-yard bully eventually becomes to our kids.

Gina Bennet is a senior terrorism analyst working in the Intelligence Community.  She has been a counterterrorism specialist for 19 years and is one of the longest-running in the community.  She is also the mother of five.  Bennet is currently in the process of writing a book, tentatively
entitled, "Going Soft on Terrorism:  Why It Takes Women and Children to Win the War."