Finding the Perfect Couple to Couple With
The Wall Street Journal’s Elizabeth Bernstein wrote a fun column that explores the issue of couples dating. Why are the nuances of couples dating? Why do couples want to hang with other couples? You can see Ms Bernstein’s lighthearted article here.
For many couples, especially those who have been married for a long time, the effort to find new couples to, well, couple with, may not seem worth it. There is definitely effort involved when courting potential couples. You still need to worry about what you wear, the place you choose to dine, and the topics discussed. You want to be on your game, funny when the time calls for it, sensitive when appropriate, try desperately not to mention something that may be offensive and do all of the above, times two! And then at the end of the evening, there’s that moment that Bernstein mentions in the article – the end of the couple date “moment” – to hug or not to hug. If I move in for the hug and they don’t, I’ve blown it. If they reach in for the hug and I pull away, I’m crossed off their list.
For many couples, especially those who have been together a long time, the need to expand their couples list may not be expedient. I would have put myself and my husband in that category, too, until the unthinkable happened, we had to move, 3000 miles away! When my husband and I moved to Los Altos, CA 7 years ago, we didn’t know a soul and our “finding a couple” skills were rusty!
Although my husband and I dig each other and have a lot in common, we did feel the need to get out there with other couples. Bernstein says the reason for this need to reach out is two-fold. Number one, “if you have friends who enjoy you as a couple, you may feel better about your union.” Number two, “the process of making new friends together may inject energy into your relationship and give you something to bond over.” We had one more reason, we needed to put a name in the “emergency contact” space of our children’s school forms. Regardless of the reasons, we knew we had to get back in the game.
Our strategy was simple – when someone asked us to go somewhere, we said “yes.” In Los Altos, CA, having the opportunity to say “yes” was easy. The folks in the Bay Area were so nice that they instantly included us in their “reindeer games.” Our first outing was a “real life” pig roast party. All the couples in the school community were invited. My husband and I took it slow and talked to people briefly making sure we didn’t monopolize anyone. We had a good time. We had our first experience under our belts. I honestly can’t remember if hugging was involved, but whatever we did do worked because for the two years we spent in CA, we had a group of couples friends we hung with, vacationed with, dined with, and skied with. (Yes, skied with. In CA, they actually have a week devoted to skiing called “ski week”) By the end of our stay, the hug at the end of the night was not an issue – we hugged and did so enthusiastically.
Tell me your couples dating story. Do you have a real doozy of a story, where the date fell apart? Maybe you’ve learned a tip that will help other couples succeed in their couples relationships. Tell me all about it.
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Tags: couples freinds, Elizabeth Bernstein, relationships, Wall street journal
- ‘Couples dating’ is frequently just as mortifying as ’single dating’!