Homework is going to be the death of me. And if not the direct cause of my death, it might lead to the demise of an otherwise strong and loving marriage.

Dramatic? No. Not really.

If you have never had “homework issues” then you probably don’t see what the big problem is. I mean, how much trouble is filling out a few worksheets, reading a few pages and writing a couple of sentences?

A lot. A LOT of trouble.

Let me explain. This weekend, we had homework troubles. And it escalated to such a point that my husband and I stopped speaking to each other. For several days. In fact, I believe I asked him to leave. Not forever, mind you, but just until I was done helping my son with his homework.

It’s that bad.

It’s not about the work, specifically – the work is part of a much bigger problem. One problem is that frequently my son does not understand what he is supposed to be doing, or why. He doesn’t understand what skills he is supposed to be working on. The directions are complicated, and sometimes, the answers on the answer keys are just plain wrong. In addition (no pun intended) he believes that if the directions ask for, let’s say, 2 to 4 sentences, then he will write two sentences, and that is enough. Never mind if those sentences actually answer the question – it says two sentences, so two is what they are going to get. Which leads to another problem we have: my son loves to argue. And while that will serve him well in a court of law (let’s hope he’s the lawyer and not the client, shall we?) it is less conducive to a positive homework experience. And when he argues with one of us, inevitably, the other will attempt to play peacemaker – and get sucked into the homework vortex.

And that is why some evenings, three of us will be standing in the kitchen, arguing loudly about homework.

Sometimes we argue about philosophical issues like whether homework should be done before he goes to taekwondo.

Sometimes there are disagreements about whether doing the very bare minimum is sufficient.

Sometimes we just don’t have time to get all of the homework done.

One night, we argued because the instructions on a math worksheet were so convoluted that each of us had a different interpretation of how to complete the equations. We are still not 100% sure whether our son did the work correctly.

Another night, my son’s spelling homework was a word search. This was like the New York Times Crossword of word searches. He sat there for 45 minutes trying to find a word – ANY WORD – in that puzzle. Finally, I leaned over and started looking too – I thought maybe I could give him some hints, just to get him going….build his confidence a bit. He whined that it was too hard. I told him that he needed to focus and stop wasting time. An argument ensued. After 5 minutes of searching the puzzle and arguing with my son, I sent him to take a shower, and brought the word search over to the couch to look at it more closely. 30 minutes later, I had found 2 of the 15 spelling words that were supposedly hidden in the grid of letters.

It was ridiculous. At that rate, the word search was going to take all night. So I told my son that he was right, the word search was really hard, and then we started on the reading homework, cheerfully bickering about which pages he was supposed to read, and whether he was supposed to summarize or predict what was going to happen next for his essay. He crawled into bed at 8:30 – after 4 hours of homework.

He is EIGHT YEARS OLD. And those are just two nights – two average, run of the mill nights.

It seems like every day there is another problem, another disagreement, another conflict. And it’s getting old. Quick.

I feel like I spend so much time doing homework, I might as well be homeschooling. Again, I’m not being dramatic – I really feel that way. While the idea of homeschooling is not appealing to me at all, the idea of not fighting for 2 hours every night IS awfully appealing. Because that’s what we are talking about – at least two hours of confrontations and drama, Every. Single. Night. I have tried to play it cool, to let him do his work on his own. I mean, it’s homework for a reason, right? Work to be done independently, at home, to show the teacher that you understand what you learned that day.

Problem is, he can’t do it. Or he won’t do it. Some nights, he doesn’t understand the work, or maybe he is too distracted or tired to get it done. His handwriting is atrocious, his spelling is “phonetic” (which is just the politically correct way of saying “indecipherable”).

I signed this agreement at the beginning of the year that said I would supervise the homework. And I am supposed to sign the completed homework every night, saying that I reviewed it with my child. It is a terrible position to be in. Sometimes I find myself directly contradicting my son’s teacher. Sometimes I am not sure if the work is complete or not because I don’t understand the directions. And sometimes – not very often, but sometimes – I just don’t don’t want to deal with it. I admit it – I want a break from the homework too. I want to drive through the carpool line with “HOMEWORK SUX” written in the dust on my back window. I want to send a note to school that says “Max didn’t do this worksheet because he didn’t feel like it”. Homework is a delicate balance of supporting my child, and supporting his teacher’s efforts. After a long day at school, I think my kid needs a break from sitting down and doing school work. I think he needs to run around outside (physical education) play with other kids (socialization), look at bugs (science), build a fort (engineering), play his guitar (music education), paint (creative arts), tell stories (language skills), and of course, read – just for fun, not to answer essay questions or summarize each chapter. We have tried doing homework right after school, before dinner, after dinner, doing some work in the afternoon and some in the evening, requiring that the work be done before he can play outside, or letting him play outside before doing the work. But it all leads to the same place – frustration with, tension over, disagreements about, and sometimes solidarity against The Homework.

While I think that homework is important, I think that the more important issue is whether the homework is worthwhile. If my child is not learning what he needs in the classroom (for whatever reason), then let’s address that. And if I am supposed to be supervising and signing off on the work he does at home, then I am going to need union representation, because this is the hardest job I have ever had and the hours stink and the pay is awful.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 at 9:48 pm and is filed under Vanessa Ghantous, mothers, women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.