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Written by Chynna Laird
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 Do you remember that Calgon commercial from the seventies? A Mom stood in her kitchen—two kids running around her, the dog barking, the phone ringing—with her hands over her ears yelling, “Calgon, take me away!” That’s me. The difference between the Calgon woman and me is she did something I don’t do: She took time for herself.
I’m basically someone Moms should use as an example of what not to do. You see, like all of you, I have a busy life: I’m a full-time student, a full-time author and freelance writer and I mix those things around my full-time Mom job to Jaimie (five), Jordhan (three) and Xander (one). I see your faces etched with the question: “So…when do you take time for yourself?” I haven’t. Not in five years.
It’s not that I haven’t had the opportunity. Several people have offered to give me a break over the years. And it isn’t because I don’t trust other people to care for my kids—the people who’ve offered are quite capable. I think the plain and simple answer is…I’m stupid.
Now, to be fair, there are a few things going on beyond the normal, “Oh, my kids will cry if I leave them.” Jaimie has Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID). In layman’s terms SID is a neurological disorder that affects her ability to process sensory information properly. She gets overwhelmed easily, can’t handle new people or situations and is terrified to leave the “comfort zone” of our house. It can be isolating for all of us because even stepping outside in the yard when it’s too windy/sunny/hot/cold/loud can cause Jaimie to throw herself down on the ground and scream in an inconsolable rage.
Because of her difficulties in relating to other people, I’ve been there. Always. It’s okay, really. I’ve gotten used to it. After all, I’m a stay-at-home Mom and it’s my job, right? Well…yes and no.
Yes, being a Mom is my first priority job and yes it’s been my choice to stay with my children; but what about me? Isn’t it selfish to want time to myself? Isn’t it wrong to want to steal, maybe, an hour or two where I can remember I’m a woman first? Isn’t it tunnel-visioned to want adult conversation or company without discussion of diapers, treatments, therapy or what happened on Care Bears?
What’s taken me all of this time to realize is “me time” is vital for women to be better Moms. We are women first and we need to remember and nurture our womanly selves in order to be the best Moms and wives we can be.
There are two things that have saved my sanity over the years—and kept me from having to stay heavily sedated. The first is my gorgeous husband of almost eight years, Steve. In between discussions of poopy diapers, potty-times and therapies/treatments for Jaimie, we’ve taken the time for intimacy (Sometimes giving a new definition of the word “quickie”.) Without those bonding and precious small reminders of our love—and lust—for each other, we wouldn’t have made it.
The other thing is my other passion and hobby: Writing. Through my writing I’ve kept my brain from turning into mush, made contact with the outside world and have been able to carry on conversations with adults about other things besides children and housewife duties.
What I’ve learned is this: if you want a life—a full one—Moms should not do what I’ve done: (1) Don’t make your Momness your entire life. There are other things about you that are awesome. Tap into them. (2) Don’t give up offers to get out of the house. For Heaven’s sake, if people offer to give you time off…take it. (3) Even, and especially, if your child has special needs, take the time to regroup. It can be frustrating and emotionally draining caring for a child with extra needs—especially when you are the one they depend on the most. If you don’t take “me time” resentment can kick in. (4) Don’t do it all. We aren’t Superwomen and we can’t do everything all the time with no help—no matter what we tell ourselves. Accept help when it’s offered and learn to do only what you can handle. Staying in overdrive too long can fizzle out even the strongest person.
The “do” checklist, then, is: Get a hobby, keep the fires burning with your partner, learn to designate duties and, most importantly, get out of the house at least once a week.
Oh! I should mention that after five years of self-isolation, I’m going to see Michael Bublé in concert—all by myself.
He’d better watch out. I have a lot of pent up “me time” to let out.
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