| Take it Easy... on Yourself: 7 Ways to Battle Mommy Guilt | | Print | |
| Written by Angela Moore | |
 As a mom who works outside the home, I am tempted on most days to feel that twinge inside, the bleakness down in my gut, as I kiss my children goodbye after dropping them off at the babysitter’s house. As I drive into work, I wonder what they will do that day and what I might miss that will be a momentous first for them. Truth be told, I feel this tension a lot less today than when I first went back to work, but it is still there. And it has a name: Working Mommy Guilt. I feel this at the strangest times, like when I meet someone new who stays home with their kids. Or, when I hear a story from the sitter about how the kids are acting up. My first thought is “Maybe I should be doing that again” or “Maybe I’m not spending enough time with the kids.” I used to agonize over things like this. But I’m a working mom who loves her job and this struggle used to feel like it would literally tear me in half. I still feel this way sometimes. But I’ve learned that it’s okay. Better yet, I’ve learned how to deal with it. And it’s made me a better mom in the process. Regardless of whether you work outside the home because you have to or because you want to, there is no need for Mommy Guilt to run your life if you look implement small changes in your life as needed. 1.Tie home to the babysitter or daycare. Every Monday, my sitter and I have a quick chat about what my husband and I are working on with the kids. From potty training to learning days of the week we go over it together and my sitter watches for opportunities to help us in our task. 2. It’s about quality, not quantity. Regardless of how many hours you spend with your child (or children), it’s what you do with those hours that matter the most. We make a point to go on two outings a week. During the week, we pick one night where we go to a local playground or a park for a picnic. During the winter, we head to the mall where there is an indoor playground where they can play. We go to the dollar store every once in a while and the kids can get a new (and inexpensive) toy, book, or craft item. Weekends usually balloon into a bigger outing. From going to a sporting event to visiting relatives, we make a point to spend time together and give the kids something fun (and different) to do. 3. Cultivate a hobby. My daughter loves stickers. My son loves cars. My husband and I help find opportunities to work on their hobbies as a family and encourage them when they find something new they want to try. This gives them something to focus on when we have stuff to do that requires our attention. And it gives our children something to be proud of. We also tell friends and family at birthday and holiday time so their gifts can be catered to. 4. Consistent discipline and rewards. My sitter knows our discipline and rewards system and she does the same thing at her house that we do at ours. Have a chat with your childcare provider and make sure your goals and methods are lining up. If not, ask how you can compromise (or help them conform to your methods) and get consistency in this area. 5. Talk to your kids. There are times when my kids really need an extra day with mom. Those are the days that I take a “mental health day,” close the laptop, and get down on the floor and play. Not that I don’t do that on a regular basis anyway, but it’s an extra, unplanned day to have some serious fun. I’m always talking with them, trying to get a feel for what they need and how they’re doing. I ask the sitter to do the same thing. Hey, sometimes she needs a day off, too! 6. Stop beating yourself up. Besides, it’s counterproductive. Cut yourself some slack. No one was designed to be Super Mom. Ask for help when you need it, reprioritize if you must, and do what’s best for your family. If you’re already doing that, take a deep breath. Then go outside and play for a bit. Put a stop to that record repeating in your head that says you're not good enough and remind yourself that you are human. 7. Make sure to take care of yourself. We are culprits in this all the time. It’s never easy to stop working and take care of you. It’s always tempting to put off that bubble bath or that great novel, but schedule it anyway. I have one night a week (typically Wednesdays in case you’re curious) where I do no housework or “work work” and I do something for me. I’m a big crafter and reader, so those two things are often an outlet for me. How does this help me be a better mom? It gives me a sense of peace, fulfillment and it recharges my batteries. Not to mention when I’m feeling good, I’m able to take better care of my kids. Getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising (when I can) are all part of this as well. Mommy Guilt is sneaky and never seems to fully go away. But it no longer runs my life. I am able to find a few moments every day when I know I’m doing the right thing and I catalog that in my head for the times when I feel like I just can’t keep up. I do this as a mom and as a wife, and it has helped tremendously in both areas. I am now able to really enjoy my time with my kids rather than using that time to feel guilty about the time that I’m not spending with them. The kids are better and so am I. And with that, I am off to the mall with the kids! Angela Moore is an internet marketing specialist in Columbia Station, OH. She lives with her husband of five years and two children. She is also a writer and a crafter. She is the author of http://linkprincessblog.com, http://unexpectedart.blogspot.com and http://www.acraftlife.com.
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