In my ongoing “project” ideas I am planning for Spring I am thinking about what citrus I have room for, how I can build a raised vegetable bed, where I can add more roses…I am always thinking about where I can add more color and fragrance, not to mention edibles!

This is the time (for my climate) to plant bare root roses. They are inexpensive and readily available. I did an entire bed with 11 bare roots I got at Home Depot for $11.00 a piece, with canes that are thick and healthy. I got my 16-year-old son Matthew to clean out the bed and dig the holes for me. I showed him how to make the mound in the center of the hole to support the loose roots. I figured if he is even half way paying attention this is a nice little bit of quirky knowledge for him to take with him. Maybe someday he will plant his own fragrant beautiful rose garden. Wouldn’t it be great to send a renaissance man into the world? I am always talking to him about being a caring mate for the future woman in his life. I have told him “when your woman has cramps from her period, draw her a hot bath and tell her to relax. You’ll take care of the dinner” (house cleaning, laundry and the kids…..Ok maybe that’s too much) Still let’s talk to our boys about being considerate mates!!

Anyway back to my garden. I think on the wall behind the roses I will put espaliade lemon trees. This is where they have been trained to grow flat against a trellis…they are really spectacular! I have just mapped out an old English rose garden and ordered roes from the David Austin catalogue on line www.davidaustinroses.com. My bed is pretty big so I ordered 18. They suggest groupings of 3 to get the maximum impact. I lined the border with 1-gallon boxwoods that I got at Home Depot (giant box store). I ordered everything from rusty colored Benjamin Bratten to Pat Austin, Ambridge to Winchester Cathedral, Queen of Sweden to Braithwait…It should be quite a show of beautiful color and fragrance. It is fun to think and plan now. It kind of shoots you forward to Spring and helps with the winter blues. Not to mention they are less expensive this way and you can find a larger variety.

This weekend I was working my husband to build me a raised vegetable bed from non-treated railroad ties. I need 16 to build two 8’ squares, 2’ high. It’s a bit daunting considering we don’t have a truck and they sound VERY heavy.  So I’m going to figure those logistics out and then move forward.

I encourage you to check out the David Austin site. Even if you are not a big gardener you can add a few of these lovelies to your yard.

I don’t know what it is with me but I like to be out front.  I have a nice back yard, but I like the front.  I guess it’s the activity on the street.  People walking their dogs, cars passing by, chatting with the neighbors. 

Recently a friend bought a house and when I went to visit, the first thing that struck me was how closed in It felt.  There were trees and bushes blocking the windows half way up the front of the house.  I suggested that she pull them out and carve out a niche…a poor man’s front porch.  We discovered that a large window was actually a pair of French doors that had been painted shut…that was the first order of business – to see if we could scrape off the paint and get it open.  Success! There was even a little stoop…perfect.  A friend of ours had 28 – 2’X2’ cement pavers that she had taken out of her yard and were leaning up against her garage.  I made a quick (scavenger) phone call and sure enough she was looking to get rid of them.  We had her gardener go pick them up.  The gardener pulled out the shrubs and somewhat graded the area, brought in a little soil and sand and laid the pavers out with 2” between them.  Then we planted some creeping Thyme to fill in.  We lined the front of the patio with boxwood that will grow to make a small hedge. In front of the boxwood is a sweet flowerbed boarded by river rock, which is very common in our area.  She already had some all weather wicker club chairs that we moved to the front and a cool rusted bust of a woman.  There is an 18” flowerbed against the house that we put another row of boxwoods and gardenias and hydrangea’s.

It is now so inviting…it really opened the house up…inside and out.  It looks fresh and well put together.  She paid her gardener $100.00 to bring the pavers over and install them and she and I did the planting, mainly taking plants from other areas of her yard where they were not working.  We are planning to move the shutters over and add hinges so they look operational and add a painted black wide wood trellis between the two sets of shutters and over the window and door…like a T for the climbing roses in the center to go up.

I know it is early in the season for many of you living in colder climates, but the weather will be changing soon and it is never too early to first dream, then plan, then take action!  I am already looking for new vegetable garden locations and ideas.  I just ordered bare root David Austin old English roses and am planning my next project…Always thinking…

Before

After

This afternoon I went to lunch for one of my oldest friends birthday. There are 3 of us that have been friends since we were in high school.  Luckily we all live extremely close to each other, one even lives on my street.  We didn’t grow up in the town we live in now but after each of us got married we moved here.  It started with my friend Carrie…I knew her husband Marty…he did the music on Days of our Lives in the mid eighties when I was there the first time.  He wore big red glasses and I used to go in his sound booth and kiss them with all my soap opera lipstick. We joked around a lot and became great friends.  He asked if I had a sister and I said no, but I had a best friend that I thought he might really have something in common with.  I set them up on a blind date…fast forward a year later and they were married. They just celebrated their 20^th anniversary. When they were looking for their first home, I convinced them this was the place to live.  Our children grew up together, went to school together and to this day are very close. 

Me and Carolyn (right) and Carrie (back) and another friend Jennifer

Carolyn moved here when she was about to have her first son Matt.  When my second son was born a year later I wanted to name him Matthew. I said to Carolyn, “It won’t be like they would be friends,”…. that was naive…they have been best friends pretty much since birth.   Now they go to the same high school and play water polo together.  They are so cute, Matt and Matt coming down the street.

Young Matt and Matt

Teenage Matt and Matt (far left and center)

We are ALWAYS there for each other, no matter what.  We are closer than sisters. There have been so many wonderful times and some very difficult times but our commitment to each other never wavers.  Now that our parents are getting older and starting to have health issue and we all have teenagers, we have a lot to talk about when we get together for our 6-mile power walks.  It started with 3 miles but we have worked up to 6…I guess we have a lot to cover. Good old friends are such a gift and none of us take it for granted.  We nurture and value this bond.  We also kick each other’s butt if we need it. 

As we stood to leave the restaurant today we joked, “we collectively look pretty good for our age” (well I’m still younger…my birthday isn’t until March).  I hope we are still going out to lunch on our 80^th birthdays…I know we will still be friends.

A funny thing has happened over my children’s holiday break this year – I think my son Danny has started to grow up (finally).  I might be premature declaring this, but why not he is 22 years old.  I must go back and give you a bit of history for it to mean anything.  I am sure there are some of you out there who have a child like my Danny.  He hit the terrible twos at about 18 months old and stayed there.  He was the busiest guy too – if you left him unattended, things would happen. He was mischievous, always into EVERYTHING, and never stopped moving or taking things apart. Whenever we went on a trip and left the kids home with a minder, he was always the one that got into trouble.  As he got older, high school in particular, he got into everything on a bigger scale.  We were on him to get good grades, had him play a team sport, trying to keep him engaged and “busy” and hopefully out of trouble.  ”Keep him alive on my watch” I joked to myself.  He was always the guy that had to learn the hard way.  He was grounded all the time.   

Even though I was sad leading up to his departure to college 4 years ago, the morning he left he overslept, over packed and forgot his ID (which he discovered on the way to the airport).  I hugged him at the airport, said call my cell if they don’t let you on the plane…and wished him good luck.  I turned around to get back in the car and thought whew, fly bird!  As I drove away I realized I didn’t even have my phone…I thought he would figure it out and he did.   

He is by far “the youngest” in our family…but all of the “good stories” in our family are usually about him. He is a charming, charismatic character with a big smile and laugh.  I did feel like our hands were bleeding holding the reigns with him all these years, but it seems like it might have paid off.  We knew being strict with him was our only option.  I always told him he dictated the way we parented him, but I guess he had his path.

We have now spent 4 weeks of Christmas break together, the whole family, and he is emerging as the man we always knew he could become.  Now he is the one giving advice to his siblings. Just last weekend our younger son was in trouble and my husband and I had sat down in the living room to talk about what was going on and Danny couldn’t stand not being in on it and putting in his two cents, antidotes and lessons he learned the hard way in his high school years. He was bright, logical, articulate and kind. I felt like there were 3 parents in the room…It was TOO much! I felt so proud to see how much he had changed.   

I thought of writing this blog to all you moms out there with the “crazy ones”…hang on, it will get better. They will come out the other side awesome people! 

I have blogged several times about the effect of this tough economy.  How it has touched all of us in some way.  Over the holidays I saw many old friends, met some new ones and everyone’s story was similar.  So many “bread winners” of the family are waking in the middle of the night with their hearts pounding about how they are going to keep their business afloat or pay the bills.  Hardly anyone is immune.  I almost feel like we should hunker down together in the bunker and weather the storm.  I guess we can be there for our friends and family in our own homes and be ready with a compassionate ear.

As you know from my blogs we took a family trip to Telluride to my best friends’ mountain house.  Up until the last minute we could not decide whether we should go or not.  Mind you this is not that unusual because my husband can be very indecisive.  The daunting thought of the 14-hour drive didn’t help, plus money has been tight this year.  We decided to go for it…push it a little and enjoy the time with our children and closest friends.  This was the best decision.  From the very moment we left our driveway the stresses each of us felt (for different reasons) evaporated quickly and the sweet camaraderie of our family started coming back. 

Christmas day with our friends was so warm and cozy and filled with love and togetherness.  We made a huge breakfast after present opening and we stayed in our PJ’s all day….one day to do absolutely nothing.  My friend has this tradition to make the Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and then make turkey tacos with the left over’s on Christmas day…yum!

Christmas Morning

We know several close friends that go to Telluride every year and they came to dinner several nights.  One boy plays guitar and we had some major sing-a-longs…it was really so much fun!  Everyone’s kids are about the same age and love seeing each other year after year.

Great Friends

The Kids

Our Sing-a-longs

My daughter Katie turned out to be the uber snowboarder on the trip and had her Pops up and out the door early, long before her athletic brothers was even out of bed.

It was such a great “family time” trip.  We could have fun with each other and reconnect in a “stress-free zone.” We are home now and the warm vibe continues.  I am so glad we went through with our plans to go this year.  Finding a way to inexpensively travel and spend time with family was a great holiday treat for all of us.

Let’s hope 2010 is a better year for ALL!

Last Wednesday my husband and I watched The Weather channel to see how the pending winter storm would affect our road trip to Telluride Colorado.  It looked like it might get rough so we did something we have never done in all the years we have been traveling to my friend Carrie’s mountain house for Christmas…we left early.   We usually scramble out and drive the 14 hours straight through, often arriving in the middle of the night.  

Two years ago when we made the trip, at about 2:00 am, I was driving (mind you I don’t really like driving at night or in the mountains)…we hit black ice and sailed over the side of the road.  After the car knocked down multiple skinny Aspen trees and we were frighteningly plummeting into the dark abyss, a bigger tree stopped the car. Everyone was shaken but fine.  When I opened the car door to climb back up the embankment to try to get cell reception to call for help a man was standing at the top asking if we were ok.  It was Christmas Eve…if he would have had a long white beard it would have been perfect.  It turned out that his son had hit the black ice 20 minutes before and gone over the other side and he had come to pick him up.  All 5 of us crawled out of the car and climbed up to the road.  We left the car with all our Christmas presents, suitcases, etc. and got a lift with this nice man. As we got into bed at Carrie’s house we were rattled and unbelievably grateful that it was only as bad as it was. The next day Michael (my husband) got a tow truck driver with a crane to hoist the car up and out. Every side of the car was dented but it was drivable…Yeah…

I tell this story to explain why I don’t drive in the mountains anymore and the middle of the night arrivals are no longer an option.  OK, so some people have to learn the hard way… the really hard way.

So I got the boys to put the bullet on the car and load it up and when Michael got home from work we headed out.  We drove 5 hours to Phoenix, got a hotel room and were up early the next day for the uneventful 9 hour finish. The family camaraderie was back and we had a drive full of laughs and stories, burgers and naps. The closeness was returning and everyone was anxiously anticipating our mountain get away.  My kids grew up with Carrie’s kids and they don’t see them much now that they are away at school, so they looked forward to hanging out with them for a week.

We arrived at their house at 6pm on Christmas eve and the evening was in full swing with the fire roaring and a turkey in the oven.

Hallelujah….

Let me start by saying I have always prided myself with how loving and close my husband, my kids and I are.  We have always been a giant pretzel.  Talking about everything, cozying up on the couch…kissing and hugging.  My over 6’ tall boys still kiss their pop on the lips in front of all their friends.  The kids will walk hand in hand down the street.  Very affectionate.

Let me fast forward to winter break that is now upon us….my two older ones home from college, both mentioning several times how they already miss their friends and independence at school.  Each getting a little on each other’s nerves.  The youngest one, my sixteen-year-old son Matthew is off with his many buds and this irritates both Danny and Katie.  They want him to want to be with them.  They want to know that he missed them, but he is 16 and anyone I speak with that has a boy that age says the same thing.  They are quiet, often sullen and all they want to do is be off with their friends.  I don’t take it personally but they do.  Especially Katie…she was always like Matt’s other mama and she finds it heartbreaking that he doesn’t give her much notice now.  I keep telling her he will come back to us…still she mourns the loss.  Danny at 22 and a senior in college has his own angst about what he will do when he graduates so he is quick to snap too.

Yesterday we had to go through our storage to locate the snowboarding gear for our road trip.  What a nightmare…everyone had some attitude and arguing broke out.  It was stressful.  I endlessly wondered “what happened to my sweet children?” Is this who we are going to be now?  Are we going to become “the Bickersons”….I can’t take it.  Ultimately we found everything we needed and everyone apologized throughout the day.

Today seems so much better.  Everyone seems to have calmed down and are committed to being kind and considerate.  It’s almost like everyone had to blow off a little steam….re-adjust…re-enter the family.  If I can step back and observe, it might be interesting.  I will get back to you after we head out on our 14 hour car trip to Colorado.  Hopefully everyone will remember their resolve and will enjoy each other’s company.  If you see three big kids on the side of the road with all of their stuff, you’ll know it didn’t go so well…I am keeping my fingers  crossed.

By Mary Beth Evans

We are a family of five….Now a very big 5.  Both my boys and husband are over 6′ tall. My daughter’s 5′7” and I am  the shrimp at 5′4″(on a good day).  Hard to imagine, all you gals with your sweet little children, but this is what happens.  In a blink I tell you..

When our kids were young we started taking road trips.  We bought a GIANT RED Suburban when our 3rd child was born.  As if it wasn’t big enough, we got Red..??  I am not sure why that seemed like the color for us, but man did we have some good times in that car and some great memories.  There were times I would call my two best friends Carrie and Carolyn and drive by and pick up their kids to go to the beach or somewhere with my kids and me. I mean, it sat 8 people…a true party wagon.  It took a beating too. Kids spilled their shakes, dropped their fries between the seats, climbed in with their sandy wet feet and bodies.  Not to mention a few leaky diapers and a few barf episodes we didn’t pull over fast enough for.  Definitely a “well seasoned” vehicle! 

When “vacation time” came around for our family this was usually the mode of transportation.  Mostly it was a yearly ski trip to Mammoth Cal., Utah or Colorado, with the drive sometimes lasting as long as 14 hours.  My husband and I are the kings of “the last minute” planners.  There have been times when on Christmas day we are still vacillating back and forth about if we will be leaving the next day to take the kids skiing. If we decided to go, we would usually head in the right direction (hopefully) and pick up a map 100 miles out of town. What a luxury GPS is!

We never had a video or TV in the car. I think idealistically I wanted them to see the sites and TALK TO ME, not be glued to the screen. They mostly slept, hung out, read a little, listened to their cd players or played cards.  Surviving the boredom had its own certain cachet. We had our special places we liked to stop.  Like the beef jerky guy in a shack on the side of the road.  We were often amazed that we could eat an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast and a hamburger for lunch AND dinner.  I am here to tell you …it can be done. 

I really grew to love the annual trip.  It may sound like a possible nightmare, but look at the positive, you have a captive audience.  The stories and events they reveal are enlightening and often very funny.  My kids have very happy memories of these special times.

Last year we did not make the trip and my children agreed the winter break just wasn’t the same without the road trip.  So now as big as everyone is, we will again hit the road this year.  Oh did I mention we sold that suburban years ago? Now have a standard old land cruiser, quite a bit smaller…everybody pretzels in.  Somehow it works.  Now that the two older ones are in college I know these trips in their original form are coming to a close.  Before you know it I’ll be the granny in the back seat…whew..yikes….maybe I’ve got a few good trips left.

Safe travels….

I have decided to veer off a bit and talk about my acting life. I guess we can also call it entrepreneurship because I am rather in business for myself or by myself. A corporation of one.  I knew from a very early age that acting was what I wanted to do. I was very single minded about it.  Foolishly I wouldn’t even take typing in high school for the fear that I would end up in an office somewhere.  I suppose I thought if I knew how to do nothing else I would stick to my dream.  A little convoluted I know, but luckily it worked out for me.  Truthfully it wasn’t really my lack of alternative skills, it was my drive, my will not take no for an answer.  If I didn’t get a part it was because “they didn’t see what I’ve got” and that is truly what I believed. That fire and drive helped me to land various guest star spots on night time series, movies of the week, features, plays and eventually 24 years on daytime TV.  It has been a pretty good run so far.  I feel one of the crowning benefits is I have provided health insurance for my family all these years.  I am very proud of that.

I have been asked if I would ever retire. I say from what?  Even when there have been lulls of unemployment, I remain optimistic.  I know that things can turn on a dime.  I look for things that might further my growth as an actor, even if there is little or no pay…to keep my chops up.

Just yesterday I learned I got a part in a play in Hollywood.  I am very excited about it.  Even the audition was exciting.  Doing theatre is certainly a sacrifice for your family.  In this case it is Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights which interferes with my date nights with my husband.  He works hard at his job during the week and really likes to spend time with me on Friday and Saturdays.  I knew going into the audition that this might be a problem but I pushed forward, putting my trepidation aside for my allotted time.  I think that expression “the show must go on” is true in all of our work life.  Our personal problems, issues, and distractions must be put aside in order to push forward professionally. After the call back for the play, I sat down with my husband and had a “personal growth” conversation.  I mentioned a few Hollywood restaurants we could meet at after the show if I got the part.  I gave him the script to read and involved him in the process.  I think he liked that.  When I actually got the call that I had gotten the part, he said “congratulations, good job.” And I knew he really meant it.

I guess my real point is, keep following your dreams. Side step the obstacles. People endlessly told me acting was a profession you really couldn’t count on and my chances of ever making a living were slim. I never listened. As I said, I was single minded with fire and determination.  I need to remind myself to be that way from time to time, but it makes all the difference in the world!

What a week…we survived our whirlwind trip to the Big Apple.  We arrived on Wednesday, late afternoon and left again at 5pm on Friday. So often we think going across the country for two accumulative days is way too crazy and we choose not to go, but we had the best time.  It was everything we wanted it to be.  All of my husband’s family lives in the NY and Boston areas.  His aunts and their children and now their children have always been a huge part of our lives. Now my children yearn for the rare visits with all of them.  From the minute we all arrive in NY it is endless chatter, laughing and catching up.  As I said in my last blog post, the food is so secondary – the family and the camaraderie is what we all crave.  We all gather on Wednesday night at my husband’s Aunt Ellen and Uncle Stephen’s apartment on the Upper East Side.  That night there were 16 people for her famous Mac and cheese and Ham.  She is a writer and lives a very quiet life…I tip my hat to her for being so gracious and having enough food for the four teenage boys and all the rest of us.  For my children, I love that they are close to the older generation in our family; it gives them a real since of wholeness, of belonging.  We all wish they lived closer!

Thanksgiving day, being in a different time zone, we didn’t wake up until 10:00 am.  Katie came to our room and we watched some of the Macy’s Parade and then American in Paris with Gene Kelly…wow…how great is that movie?  He would certainly be on People magazines sexiest man of the year cover…

By 1pm we rallied the troupes to head up to Grandma Judy’s for the big feast…No breakfast needed since everyone was barely rising.  My one irritant was that I had asked my 16-year-old son Matthew before we left California to make sure he packed a nice outfit for Thanksgiving with leather shoes. He basically rolled his eyes and said he had it covered.  As we set out from our hotel, he was wearing a short sleeve shirt, not even tucked in, pants and black leather tennis shoes that I think one of his friends left at our house.  Oh what happened to the days when I had the nice blue blazer and bucks or loafers for him to wear?  Of course he proceeds to tell me he didn’t bring anything else…HELP…Oh well…Everyone did comment to me after our return home how incredibly sweet, attentive and polite he was…I know that is all that really matters, but a sweater and a nice pair of shoes would have been nice too.

Letting go of our sweet “babies” is a struggle. Some aspects I really love…enjoying the adults they are becoming is such a treat.  But some things aren’t so easy. For instance my oldest son Danny, who is on the verge of graduating from college, calls every week telling me what he might do post graduation.  Some plans pretty good, others a fright.  I hope I am strong enough to handle whatever my children’s choices are.  I have this weird sense of just being a witness now…my input certainly doesn’t really have the weight it once did.  Life is full of transitions – this one I think might be difficult.  As mothers I think we stay very sentimental of the cute, loving little children they once were…why can’t we hold on to that?  I know it is the natural progression of things. Maybe we have 10 or so years off then we can start it up again with our grandbabies. Then we really will understand viscerally what everybody meant by “it goes so fast”…