Being Tested
Yesterday as I started to prepare dinner I turned on the TV and The Ellen show was on. She was reading a letter from a viewer about how the family had fallen on hard times and was now living off credit to just buy groceries. Ellen surprised her with a knock on the door and $25,000.00. I started to cry…there I was by myself crying over my butternut squash soup. I really had to pull myself together. I think what motivated this emotional breakdown wasn’t just this family, but the accumulated family we all have. From relatives to friends to neighbors, to people whose names you don’t even know…these times are tough. Over the weekend a sweet friend came over to help me with some of my packaging. We sat at my dining room table for hours doing this random activity and talking about the struggles (and joys) of married life and children, hers are very small. We laughed a lot and shared stories and ideas for how things could improve. These tough economic times have added so much extra stress on people. It’s almost a test to see how resourceful you can be. She is selling different people’s stuff on eBay and taking a cut for example. Moms who had previously stayed at home with the kids are now looking for what they can do to contribute.
Now here come the holidays…
Christmas and the holidays will really test us. Can’t everyone do with less?
When my husband and I were first together I used to monogram a pair of socks for him – that was his present. It was special, meaningful and certainly unique.
There have been good years and bad years and it’s OK to go with the flow about it. It’s OK to say to your family we aren’t doing the extra gifts this year. And for your kids, I almost think if you are somewhat honest and say we are cutting back this year because things are tight, that’s OK too. Some years are better than others and they will experience that their whole life. Let’s cook together, learn how to bake bread or any activity that you can do together. Spend time with each other.
Be creative…We have a party every year that I would by gifts for 15 kids. It was a big deal! A couple of years ago we started playing a game where each family brought one gift…it could be a gag. One kid opened it and they could keep it or trade it. It was so much fun and has now become the tradition. Don’t feel guilty that you must do it all. Change the rules. This year is going to be different and you do not need to feel bad about it. Have a good attitude yourself and others will catch on.
Recent Posts By Mary Beth Evans
- Big Transitions - September 2nd, 2010
- My Baby Update - August 26th, 2010
- Having a Vision - The Finished Product - August 19th, 2010
- Hopes and Dreams - August 12th, 2010
- Ancestral Family Favorite Recipe - August 5th, 2010
Yes, times are rough for many people and hopefully there will be better years ahead. I so totally agree that what counts is having fun together as a family. Those are the memories that count. I once worked at a clinic where an employee would have this really gross looking sandwich every friday. Bread,luncheon meats, cheese , mustard, mayo,pickles, tuna fish, and other random slices of fruit or veggies . this was all in one sandwich. When we were alone i asked about what he was eating. he told me this was his special treat on fridays growing up. His mom made a big deal about Special Friday lunches. he did not realize until he was an adult they were poor and Fridays meant using up all the leftovers. Now as a grown man he asks his wife to make him his favorite special friday lunch because it reminds him of his mom and the special times he had growing up. With his mom’s attitude he really did not understand how poor his family was while growing up. I bet there are a lot of kids who would trade lots of gifts and prefer having special time and fun with their family. It is those times that build special memories that last a life time!
When I was growing up I never realized what a struggle it was for my parents. We never had the latest and greatest toys under the tree, but there was always something and we loved it no matter what. My parents didn’t bemoan the lack of money, but they were honest with us.
As an adult I realize what a drain it was for my father to work 3 jobs (one full time and 2 part time) so my mother could stay home with us.
I’m not sure as adults we’ve remained true to our upbringing. Maybe it’s because of that youth. We want our kids to have the best of everything, whether we can really afford it or not. Unfortunately, as is happening now, sometimes it catches up with us.
Creating fun traditions will be something that kids will look back on when they’re adults. They are memories of our family life that we can turn around and share with our own children. The holidays can be a special time regardless of what’s under the tree…
I love that game. We have been doing ‘the elephant’ game for several years on my Dad’s side of the family with a $30 limit and then we started to play on my Mom’s side with a smaller limit of $10 (and some years it is just a Christmas ornament) and it is just as much fun. It is fun times and a lot of laughs and you can not open the gift till the end one at a time so even will you are switching through out the game you have no that you just might have gotten rid of the ‘best’ gift in the bunch.. lol!
Yes we are all having hard times, some more than others, but the best medicine is lots of laughter and being surrounded by friends and family and being thankful for what you do have.
SO true so true…I not only love the idea of baking something together but recently had fun doing just that with a friend who made sugar cookies for everyone at her work…They came out cute as all get out and delicious.Most of all through the sugar cookie experiment we learned that I am better at decorating a cookie then beading a St Pat’s day necklace LOL…beads everywhere!
I also always loved the “White Elephant” idea of bring one and trading or picking names and setting a limit. My friends and I did that last year and set a limit for $20. The person who got me knew that I loved music and always wanted an IPod or MP3 player so they went online to ebay and found a broken screen IPod for $15 and bought a $5 dollar screen, went to Youtube and found tutorials on hpow to fix an IPod screen and now I have one!Creativity lives in the heart of everyone!You just have to have to take that beer budget and by cheaper champagne!!!;)
PS I too saw that Ellen and bawled my eyes out as everything was so generously taken care for that family and their baby looked sooo cute! So tiny! Worth it all!
Great blog and very true! This time of the year can be so stressful with just the holiday season and with alot of people having a bad financial year it has only increased the stress with the desire to do everything perfect without the means. Your blog was a nice reminder to layoff the stress and do what you can with what you have but realize you can’t do everything. Thanks!
Ah, the White Elephant gift exchange — love it! I have a close group of friends who have been together forever, and every year since our senior year of high school, we’ve had a holiday gathering centered around this very game.
Since then, we’ve all gone to college, most have gotten married and several now have kids, and we still do this every year! Our group has expanded over the years to accommodate spouses and new friends, and each year is better and more fun than the last. Some of my friends bring a “good” gift (cash, wine, etc.), while I always aim to find the tackiest, most memorable gift. Funny thing is, that’s the one people usually want and steal. Sometimes these tacky gifts even reappear, wrapped as new, the next year.
All of this makes me realize — I love to get Christmas loot as much as the next person, but I would trade in all of those “nice” gifts for just one of the worst White Elephant gifts. Because, those gifts are symbolic of some of my most cherished memories…and remind me how fortunate I am to have such an amazing circle of friends.
Thanks, Mary Beth, for reminding us what’s important…and for sharing your experiences with us.
Yikes forgive the typos 3 posts above this….long day @ school LOL….My English professor would kill me!